That's what friends are for....

I had to fast forward just a bit to take a break from the saddest part of my journey, to date. I have found so much comfort and sanity in my time with crocheting but it honestly does not stop there. I have come to find that any type of craft is a different type of relief for me. Some days I don't find any relief in crocheting so I try something else. If my hands are busy, so is my mind. I have even found comfort and sanity without doing crafts. Spending time with my husband and kids brings a ton of joy to me, they are my reason for being here. Spending time with my siblings and their families also brings me a ton of joy. I have even found comfort in reading blogs. Now this is where I have to give some credit to my dear friend Kim. Reading her blog, from the beginning, has been very inspiring, with crafts and life in general. You should all go check it out here

In fact, I use her post on a book lamp (found here) to create one myself. I gave it as a wedding gift to my sister and her husband.

I also used her blog post about stained glass (found herel) as inspiration for these two Mother's day presents, one for my mom and one for my mother-in-law.

I have known Kim for as long as I can remember and she has always been a great inspiration to me. Without even knowing that she was doing it, she helped me find out about myself and helped to grow a passion for crafting. I will be eternally grateful for all that she has done for me, even without knowing she was doing anything at all. 

Time With Dad

The most dreaded day of the year for me is my birthday and it's not because I am getting older. It seems that I was born on the unluckiest day of the year. I had some horrible times on my birthday when I was younger but it wasn't until my 18th birthday that I knew, for a fact, my birthday was unlucky. The morning of my 18th birthday I woke up with a rash all over my entire body and my stomach felt like I was being stabbed every ten seconds. I went for a lot of testing but never found out what was wrong, it just went away one day. The years in between my 18th birthday and my birthday last year were just as unlucky but last year was, by far, the worst. That was the day I had received that dreaded call from my brother, the call that changed my life forever.

Over the next couple of weeks I was able to spend almost every day with my dad. I would cry on my drive to his house but remain completely calm while I was there. But by the time I left each visit, I was holding back the tears until I was out of his sight and I would let it all out. On the drive home, which is only a 6 minute drive, I usually had to pull over a few times because I was unable to see through the tears. It didn't get any better once I got home either. I didn't sleep, eat, or interact with my husband and kids. I was a wreck!

I have always been really close to both my mom and my dad and been able to talk about everything with either one but this time was different, this time I couldn't talk about it with my dad. How was I supposed to talk about how I was feeling about all of this? How was I going to be able to stay strong for him? Wouldn't it be selfish if I brought up the agony I was going through? To compensate being unable to talk to my dad about it, I called my mom....twice as much. But it didn't feel the same to me and I became more and more depressed, until Labor Day weekend.

As I stated in my last post, I spent the entire weekend in front of my computer learning how to crochet. By Monday, I had finished my first hat and my first scarf. I couldn't wait to show my dad what I had done and felt confident that I could hold the tears back until I arrived back home. When I got to his house he was already laying in bed, watching TV. I went and sat by his bedside with my bag of crocheted items by my side. I told him about my weekend and pulled the items out. His eyes gleamed and he told me how proud he was. Hearing the pride in my dad's voice made it all worth while for me. Awhile later, my dad looked me right in the eyes and said, "Bethany, it's okay to be sad and cry around me. I am sad as well. I will miss my children immensely....you have all brought me so much joy. I can't say I am happy that I have terminal cancer but I am happy to have my family around and to have a chance to spend time with all of you, even if it's for a short time". After that we both opened up to how we were feeling and never held back on any of our emotions, our bond grew more and more each visit. 

***The hat and scarf I made Labor Day Weekend, 2011

I am thankful for each visit I had with my dad, it's time I will treasure forever. I am also thankful for having such a terrific husband who has given me the opportunity to be a stay-at-home-mom, it's because of that I was able to spend so much time with my dad during his last few months. I am grateful for having such a strong man as a father, he will always be a big inspiration to me. I know that he is looking down on me and that he is proud of his little girl, no matter what accomplishments I make.

The Beginning

I guess the best way to begin my blog is to explain the reason for my blog's name: Crocheting for Sanity. It all began back on the start of Labor Day weekend, 2011. I wasn't out camping like most people were, in fact, I wasn't even being all that social. My mind had been racing nonstop for a couple of week now and I was starting to lose grip with reality. Let's rewind to a couple of weeks before when I had received a call from one of my brothers. My brother had gone to the doctor with my dad and he was calling to tell me what they had found out. When I answered the phone, his greeting was a squeak. That was all he needed to say and I already knew what he was about to tell me. My dad had cancer and it was terminal. I collapsed to the floor, heaving in pain. My brother continued to tell me things, most of which I did not hear. I then began to ask every question that was racing through my mind. "Are they sure?", "How long does he have?", "How is Dad handling it?", "Are you okay?", and "Why? Why him? Why now?"

From that moment on, my mind was racing and my heart was aching. My dad consumed my thoughts, day and night. I was in desperate need to regain some sanity and had no idea what to do. I turned to the computer for some way to escape my thoughts and somehow ended up on a website that was all about crocheting. My fingers were working all on their own now and started searching for ways to learn this beautiful craft. I spent the whole weekend in front of that computer, with one crochet hook in hand and a ball of yarn in my lap. That weekend, an obsession like no other, was born. I felt alive again! I felt free of the endless thoughts and the truth behind them. I almost felt invincible...almost.

I crocheted nonstop for months, always afraid to set my hook down and come back to reality. Why couldn't I change what was about to happen? How was I ever going to get through this? Why did I have to come back to reality? Reality was hard, cold, and unforgiving. I didn't want to face it....it was just too much for me to handle. I just wanted to freeze time and cherish what was left with him because there wasn't enough time left.

**My Dad (pictured above) always full of laughs and joy, he's trying to hide a smile in this picture but he's not fooling anyone.

This blog is another outlet to regain my sanity. I want to share my journey with all of you, from beginning to end. I hope that by sharing this, I can help someone else who is going through something similar . Also, I want to show that there is much more to what I create than just following a pattern. I put my heart and soul into every item I crochet.